The first time I heard him cry.

It feels like I am swollen by kraken.

I wanted to cry too but it's too embarrassing to cry in front of his niece, nephew and friends. But the time he was in drastic part of crying, I began to act as if I was a worm and that I just don't know what to do with myself. Y'know, do I have to comfort him? I mean, in what way? Blahhh.

It's too hard to cope with something you're not used to.
I am not used to visit ill people in hospital suites-- Esp. if they have something connected anesthesia or whatever medicine on them.
It just made me feel very sick too.
And the fact that I have this big fear with injections.

So here is it.
We, his friends and I, visited his father in some San Mateo hospital. We waited for, like, an hour or half finding him within the vicinity. We were going to surprise him sana. Kaso kami nasurprise. Haha.

Then after an hour or half, we saw him and he invited us to come with him upstairs, to his father. We followed him then.

As he was opening the door, I was hiding behind his friend 'cause I am shy when it comes to introducing and shiz. But unfortunately, I was able to encounter that case again where someone introduced me to someone. He introduced me to his mom and all but except to his father, who is ill and cannot force himself to move anymore.

His mom asked us to sit and so we sat.

The nurse came right in to check on his father's pulse. His father has no Blood Pressure anymore. It's only the pulse forcing him to live (And hopefully, it'll get better). Then the doctor opened the door and rudely said that his father will die later, directly to the point and without hope. I was, like, so pissed off. He even said that "Mamaya na yan. Intayin na lang natin magdisintegrate." Like, what? he's a soil? Nagdidisintegrate? Bum you! You should be fired!


All of a sudden there was this wide silence.

Then they cried.

I want to cry, yeah. But I keep on holding it up 'cause I don't want to get to emotional and shiz. So I did. I did pressed it up back to my nasolacrimal canal.

And then, the drama came in and his friends and I were talking when to leave by texting. Nakakahiya kasi umalis kasi lahat sila umiiyak and sobrang bigat ng feeling namin non.

His mother exited the room and he pulled me and said "Halika.", and he was dragging me towards his father. I don't want to be so upclose with his father 'cause I am not used to like that, remember. It gives me nightmares. But eventually, I was pulled beside the bed but I set aside my fear. I listened to him. He's gonna introduce me to him. Aww.

Then he said so many drastic stuffs that made us wanna cry. His friends were teary-eyed and I was already dropping tears 'cause I can't help seeing him like that especially hearing him like that. It's different.

That time, I just wanna hug him and cheer him up with the best cheering dance steps I know but I just can't. I just want to give them some time to talk. I know his father's listening.

Then we cried.

After few minutes, we decided to leave.

When his friends and I entered the car, heard the engine, we sat still there, quiet. We were shocked and disturbed, perhaps.

I don't know.



Hey Hon. I know you'll be pissed when you read this or maybe not.
Medyo mabigat pa kasi feeling ko kaya nilabas ko dito.